Friday, April 30, 2010

Thoughts on a Friday night....

Thoughts in my head that I need to get out. Usually, this sort of post gets listed as a 'draft' and just moves further and further down my list of posts as I publish other posts. But my little group of followers is pretty dedicated. So I figured, it's time to be open and honest.

Well, I'll try.

I mean, I don't have much going for me, blog-wise.
I'm not a mother,
I'm not a brilliant photographer,
I don't own my own business,
I'm not an aspiring writer,
and I'm not a devout soul trying to spread the Word.
I'm just me, just Amy.
(not Harry.)
And yet, I have followers.
So, I guess they deserve to get a peek into my mind.

I'll start with something semi-trivial.
I was supposed to write a paper tonight.
I have 4 days to write 4 papers,
but I totally slacked today.
Now I have to make up for it
by writing 2 on either Sunday or Monday.
Luckily, I have 2 shorter papers
that I can easily write on the same day.

because I didn't write at all today,
I've lost my groove.
I've been writing a solid paper a day
since this past Monday.
Breaking my stride really threw me off.
It'll be hard to get back into it tomorrow.

How can I
pretend to be happy
for someone
when I
wholeheartedly disagree
with that person's choices?

The past 19 years with my little brother
have been God-sent.
(Yes, being open in general
includes being open about spirituality.)
This 18-year reprieve has been such a blessing,
and I need to be grateful that we were given this chance.
But these signs, these sudden little symptoms,
they're not cool!
I'm really trying hard to trust.
But I don't want to think about it.
I want to shut my eyes to the possibilities
and just keep him the way he is.

I think that part,
what I just wrote,
was the hardest part for me.
I started this blog for me,
to get to know myself,
and to connect with my inner creativity.
But I have this feeling that
things will happen along the way,
and I'll need to spill my guts
to people other than my boyfriend.

And I already accepted the fact that
this has turned into MY LIFE'S blog,
rather than a simple creative outlet.

1 comment:

Gail said...

Hey Amy, I really admire your honesty here. It is hard to spill your guts - especially when you're not sure who your audience is. I admit to have a browse around your blog to find out more along what you were talking about. It sounds as though you and your family have walked a road that is not as straight forward as a lot of others have and with that comes understanding and wisdom that can be imparted to others.

It's freshing to stumble across a blog of someone in a different part of the world and in a different season of life. I been there - the papers to write, the frustration with not meeting the targets... found myself writing best under more time pressure!
I read your story about you and your man. Gorgeous. I met my husband when I was 17 and entering my final year of high school. I love young love - not the "just fallen in love" but the "we have the rest of our lives ahead of us" love. It's exciting as you visualize together the road ahead!

I look forward to getting to read more about you - should you choose to share! :)